You Might Be a Fan… (Dating)

If dating makes you less like Jesus…you might be a fan. Harsh? Maybe. Truth? Yes. Will this article upset someone? Probably.

These last couple weeks our church started teaching a series called “Not A Fan.” Everything from our Sunday worship service, to our weekly connect groups, to even our student ministry is going through this series. And as I prep each week I find myself thinking, jotting down notes and marinating on what it means to be a completely committed follower of Jesus in every area of MY life. What areas of my life are or have been off limits to Jesus? So when it comes to students I’ve thought about the same thing in their life. What areas of their life are off limits to Jesus? One of those areas, I believe, is dating.

I am convinced most teenagers today are jumping into a “dating” relationship much faster than ever before and I’m convinced social media is playing a big role. Many students are beginning “dating” relationships within days after meeting the person via Facebook. Yet they have not met face to face nor do they really know anything about the other person accept for what they see on Facebook. How much do you really know about a person from Facebook? Does their profile tell you everything about them? Could they be hiding something? Making some things up? They may say on Facebook they are a Christian, but here’s my question; are they really and how do you know if the extent of your relationship with them has been limited to social media contact and no interaction in the real world around their friends and family? I’m convinced many teenagers today put dating in that “off limits” category.

For many once the dating relationship begins everyone knows because it quickly becomes “Facebook official. Students are defining and labeling their relationship on social media because many students today are struggling with having real relationships with family or others and so the “Facebook official” becomes a sense of security. Here’s the thing though, teenagers need to learn and understand their security of their relationship with Jesus first. They need to be satisfied in their relationship with God, and satisfied being single before thinking about dating.

Phil 4:11-13 – I have learned to be content with whatever I have. I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

The secret of not chasing continually for a girlfriend or boyfriend, is to be content by relying on God. Don’t allow your pursuit of a boyfriend or girlfriend to be placed above living to please and worship God. If your focus is more on pursuing a dating relationship and not your relationship with God, you’ve just made dating an idol.

So, my dear friends, flee from the worship of idols. – 1 Corinthians 10:14

We are to flee from the worship of idols… But what is idolatry? Idolatry is valuing anything or anyone more than we value God.

We all have flaws and God sent his son to live and die because he loves us. You and I were created and  are loved by God. You don’t need a love of another person to be complete. First realize that your relationship with Jesus is what completes you, then you are ready to think about a dating relationship with another person.

Just because your friends are jumping into dating without getting to know the person doesn’t mean you have to do the same. Wait for God to send the right person along and get to know them the right way. And don’t play games, just be honest about what you think and feel. Have people get to know YOU, not the Facebook you.

Here are some things you should be looking for when pursuing a dating relationship. Are they passionate about God? Do they have a desire to serve God or are do they expect others to serve them? Do they put more focus on what THEY can get out of the relationship or do they have your best interests first? Do they desire to be in God’s Word daily and allow it to transform and rule their life? Do they take time to talk to you and encourage you in your relationship with Jesus? Also, you don’t want to get involved with someone who thinks they know better than God! Do they have a healthy respect for your parents? All too often I see guys not respecting the parents of the girl they are dating. Here’s a tip girls; if the guy you’re dating or want to date respects your parents and their rules then he’s putting what’s best for you first. If he doesn’t respect your parents, his focus is on himself and what he can get from you.

Get to know each other BEFORE you make it official. Become friends first. Spend time outside the virtual world of social media and meet face to face in group settings with other friends. See how they interact in group settings because what you see may not be the person you thought you knew from Facebook. If they treat you or others like garbage in group settings then they aren’t the person you should be dating. If they pursue to be physical in anyway with you (yes, even kissing) on your first face to face interaction (typically guys are pursuing this area), they are not thinking of you, they are only thinking of themselves, and they aren’t the person you should dating. If they can’t or don’t talk about spiritual things, share scripture, or pray with you or for you but instead talk more about how they miss you, need you, and you’re the only one for them and that MUST see you as well as point out to you multiple time throughout your day what they think of your physical looks above who you are as a person then they aren’t the person you should dating. If they are trying to change you, especially your looks, well…don’t even waste your time with them. God created you as a masterpiece and if they can’t see that then they have no right to be pursing you. If they aren’t willing to be held accountable by someone older like your youth pastor or family friend who has a relationship with Jesus, as well as your parents then they aren’t the person you should be dating.

Dating isn’t wrong, but God expects you to be mature about it and put him first above the person your dating. My partner John talks about how dating, for many students, is a distraction from growing in their relationship with Jesus in his article “Relational Resolve in Dating.” If you’re a new believer your focus right now should be falling madly in love with Jesus, not pursing a dating relationship as it CAN become a distraction. Wait to date once you have yourself firmly planted in your relationship with Jesus. Pray and ask God to direct you to the person He wants you to date. Let God be your match maker because He has the perfect person set aside for you.

If you’re a completely committed follower of Jesus your conduct and attitude about dating will reflect Jesus not you. If dating makes you less like Jesus, then you’re not ready to date. David Platt recently posted the following on Twitter; “Beware self-gratification…the temptation to fulfill your wants apart from God’s will.”(Mt. 4:3-4) If you’re focus on dating is to fulfill YOUR wants then you’re not focused on God’s will and you aren’t ready to date.

Below are some articles posted by the X2J crew that discuss the topic of dating, boys, girls, etc.

Relational Resolves in Dating – John Curiale

Distractions: For Girls Only! – Why do we craves boys attention – Janel Weyant

Distractions on the Internet – Brian Ford

Guys + Girls =? Confusion? – Janel Weyant